There were negative consequences, in that I deliberately became a very morose and serious child. The 10 year old me never understood why he couldn't be generous and forgiving to his own firstborn. Maybe that was why it hurt me, in more than the physical sense. He was generous to his friends, our neighbours, and our relatives. OK I cant say I was a perfect child, but I was far from being a bad one. I attended school, came straight home, did my homework, never talked back to my elders (kids my generation were spoken of, but not spoken to). My father seemed to have focused his anger on me. At 10 years old, I once even thought of ending my life just to spite him. And it didn't help that I was an emotionally sensitive child. When I was 10, my father was in his 40s (he was considered to have married late, for his generation). I would go to school with visible cane marks. Bad enough that my mum had to apply some ointment to cover up the broken skin. The caning was serious enough to break skin, result in bleeding and noticeable welts. So that he won't find an excuse to cane me. I still recall pretending to be asleep when I heard my father come home. I can't remember how long that caning went. My younger brother and sister were spared mostly, I recalled. It wasn't just "tough parental love", for the frequency of me being caned was almost daily.
My father used the thin rattan cane (the defacto tool of corporal discipline Asian parents used at that generation). Remembering about my father and a period where he seemed to viciously cane me for the slightest reason. I suppose it was this tweet that made me remember a particular childhood episode, when I was around 10 years old. I'll never have courage to say it to him F2F. Said he also didn't know why he took out his anger on me The day I saw my pa lying in the hospital bed, after a stroke, was the day I couldn't hate him anymore My pa He's now 77 My pa will probably never get to read these tweets. Thanks pa Decades later, after i got married, my pa said sorry. He wrote me the cheque immediately In spite of being canned by pa & hating him then, one thing he never did was abandon his family responsibilities. I told him how much for local external degree. He said don't have that money Pa asked if there was another way. He took it in & gave me space After NS I asked my pa if we had money to send me to study overseas. I started to defy & rebel in silent ways Strangely my pa mellowed & took in all my teen defiance with stride.
As a teen, I refused to speak to my pa unless i had to. My left brain got the better of my right I remember being scorned by pa as a kid. I discovered in doing so, he relented faster One time the caning got so bad I imagined myself going to the tallest block in AMK and jumping Obviously I didn't jump. So that he won't have any excuse to cane me After some time, my strategy was to remain still & let pa cane me. I kept quiet In pri sch, when pa came home I'd pretend to be asleep. One day in Pri Sch a nurse asked how I got it. Didn't know why but resolved not to show emotions The caning was so bad I had obvious welt marks. (Original Twitter sequence has been edited As a kid, being canned by pa almost every day.
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